All the posts fron else where
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What a day!
I got up to see about a job and before I got out the door was told that divorce papers were filed a while ago. I guess in a couple weeks I'll be served with them. My kid is freaking out. Not sure what I'm going to do but I guess things will work out for the best. I've been threaten with it for years. So I guess I knew it was going to happen someday. trying to see where I'm going to move to, not really sure how far away from my son I want to be cause I know I'd miss him so much. I have so much to figure out and not sure where to start. The 360 and computer are for sure coming with me! Beyond that it's going to be a fight for what I get.
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no regrets
I was told today that the primary reason for my divorce is my desire to play video games. Well.... I have loved my games for years. I love my friends on x-box live and don't see changing. Why would anyone why to take something that is so love away. But that’s not going to matter for much longer. I'll be free to play in my free time and will make sure that if I ever give my heart away again I will do it with a gamer!
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don't get me wrong...
People might think that my divorce has got me feeling down. Well nothing could be farther from the truth. I'm feeling a sense of relief. We have had problems with our relationship from before my son was born. At one time I thought I couldn't live without her, but I'm over that now. I will move on with my life and enjoy life once again. I've deleted the dumb ass comment that said the problem was me flirting with women; the truth is I don't just go about flirting. Yes I have met a wonderful woman through the x-box live. Would I have her in my life? Hell yes! So there it is. I'm doing better than ever and finally going to be really happy.
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What in a number?
What in a number? Some are so hung up on numbers that they let them control their lives. I didn’t buy a Playstation 3 because to number 600 did something for me. It wasn’t because I couldn’t afford it I just saw the number as an obstacle that I wasn’t willing to overcome. There are other numbers in our lives. Lots of numbers. Age is another number people get weird about. With age comes wisdom and if there is something I’ve learned I know to listen to those whom have wisdom. I tried to talk reasonably to someone who I’ve upset, but was shunned. He didn’t want any wisdom passed along; he had already formed opinions on how life is supposed to be and doesn’t want to hear other wise. Life is short, find happiness where you can. Don’t let anger rule your heart, and if you find love between to consenting adults don’t let anything stand between it. Consenting adults; there’s something to think about. I don’t know about other parts of the world but in the great ol’
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caller ID
A sweet girl called me really late last night and I missed the call. I'm so sorry I missed that call! Well the number was on the caller ID and has had me explain how I talk with the sweetest person. I know it's going to be a difficult time here now, but I guess it's for the best. I no longer have anything to hide. I just want the problems of living with my soon to be x-wife to be over. I need to get out of here and on my own. Of course that would mean that the bills would go unpaid and I would be held responsible for half of them. That is no way to get financially ahead. So what will I do? Stay tuned! Even I have no idea at this point.
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To many posts
To many posts
For anyone that knows me should know that I am going to be going through a divorce. Because of that I have been going and venting by posting to my various blogs. Once the divorce is over I plan on making links to all my posts available. One day it might even be easy to see what I've been going through. I'm not really my self these days and I know it. I'm torn up inside. I've known for years the relationship with my wife wasn't the best but kept thinking one day it would improve. The fact is I pushed my wife away when she was pregnant with my son. I didn't know that woman go through emotional changes during that part of their life. I seeked comfort from another woman and it was that woman that helped me to see that I was wrong. Though the relationship ended there the hurt never went away for my wife and deep down she used the anger to keep our relationship from getting back on track. I was neglected, kept from the love I needed and in the end I know that things could never be set strait. I'm going to go on with my life and love again. I have learned a lot in the last few years. I know that the thing that was killing me most was the lack of affection. I could have lived without sex, but I need the touch of a woman to make me feel whole. A kiss can mean so much and for years I lived with only receiving a few and most were nothing more than a peck good-by when one of us were on the way out the door. I'm going to miss her but know I'll be better off in time. I hope this answers questions that some of my family had regarding why things never seemed to go well for me n my wife. I know I did try and will go on trying to be a good person for my son. Thanks for letting me vent.
BTW this was what was asked of me to remove from my main blog
Ok, if you have been following the drama...here is today’s installment. I got a rude awakening by the sound of all the clothes and boxes falling next to the bed I was sleeping in. So all of the clothes, both mine and soon2bx. I wanted to put her stuff in a box to help make it easy to get it gone (she is moving out after all by this next Tuesday) She wanted me to fix it all and put her stuff back up. hummmmm NOT HAPPENING!! So this closet mate shelf thing is going to sit until she's gone and once she is I can fix it up and organize my home.
OMG!!! I was in towns just chilling when the soon2bx came up asking what I was doing. I said nothing and to please stop starring over my shoulder. She came up and hit my key pad of my laptop! I pushed her aside and she started hitting me n ripped my shirt! Said she was going to call the cops for chatting with an 18 yr old. So I called the cops! Told them what was going on while she's screaming in the back ground! They had he go for the night. I guess she's taking my son to spend the night at her mom's house. Wow was this crazy. (Later I found that she stayed only a few trailers away)
Well the soon2bx sent a neighbor to get a bunch of stuff. That included my sons X-box n game cube, clothes and so much more. Latter I received a call to say I can't see my son until after she gets settled in to her new home. I miss my son so much.
Today was a lot less stressful. I didn't fight nearly as much with soon2bx, so that was nice. I also got to see my son today and play some Halo with him. He’s going to spend some time with me this weekend so he can have some time to visit with his x-box live friends.
Trapped in my own home! Well just like the last couple of days the soon2bx came over early. She was to have her home inspected to be able to move in. it's after
Thu
Still trapped in my home and it keeps getting worse. My GF called with my soon2bx and kid here. I needed to know when I could talk to her but it all blew up in my face. Soon2bx has taken great issue to my GF calling here before she has had the chance to move out. The inspection of her new home still hasn't happened and we can't seem to get word as to when it will happen. If I have to live with them this whole weekend I'm going to loose my mind. At least the anger has the soon2bx keeping away from me but we still are in the same home and fight over stupid things. I wish I could be allowed to just go on with my life and not hear about age difference and how my family has trouble seeing what I post on my own site.
DJ got up early and played x-box for a few and decided he missed his mother and went home. I couldn't start my car so I've sat here doing nothing much. I thought my kid would want to come back when his mom went to work but he never called.
OK. So I let my journal go a couple days but here we are again. yesterday I had to get supplies for the house like a mop n cleaners, toothpaste etc. I get off the phone with my son and it killed me to say I couldn't have him over to spend the night since I don't have food here and with him being sick I didn't want him in a dirty house. So I walked 2 miles to the closest store and 2 miles back with my stuff to get home to 18 missed calls. My x had the kid believing that I was home not answering my phone. I talked to the kid and explained that I was out and wouldn't do that to him, but it still hurts that he could be told that daddy would ignore him.
Entry continued: the ex came in and took most all of the dishes (left one plate etc...) and asked if I had picked up the papers (the divorce) from her lawyer. I explain that without a car I can't really do a thing. She gives me a ride to the office and the whole ride is grilling me about have I bought food for DJ, have I gotten a call about the job I applied for. She kept going on and on. She wants permission from me to introduce her new boyfriend to my son, and the whole time playing country music (aggggggggg) I have barely read the paper since I've been home. I got to the part that my substantial income means how I have to support her and my son. I don't have the means to do much at all! Well there you have it.
Well today my trailer became my own! Transferred the title to me and the keys have all been handed back, so I can truly say this is my home!! So hooray for me. I was also able to my puppy some food. That was good because she was out. So it's a good day! I also gave back the one plate she left me. Now that I have been given dishes I figure I would do it. I signed off on letting my ex have who ever in her home as it will also allow me the same respect. So I can have a girl friend life here! WOOT! Any takers? JK
Well today I had confirmed what my neighbors had been telling me. My ex is not keeping her word and I'm going to have to pay a security deposit for the lot rent. This is going to set me back as this was way more $$$ than I get from unemployment. I'm going to come out on top but am going to suffer for weeks going without until I can get things together to get caught back up on bills. These next few weeks are going to be so very hard to get through. But there is nothing I can really do. The hardest part is that I won't be having my son as I have nothing here for him for food. Yes I'm bummed but life goes on.
As I type this my hands are still shaking. Me ex just showed up and tried to charge in to my home saying she wanted all the papers to my car. I kept her out but it got into some heated discussion through the door. She's having my car towed today. I couldn't make a payment this month due to the paying the deposit for the lot where I live. So I lose the car and any hopes of getting a job again soon. Also she informed me that if I can't pick up my son on the weekend or have the food to feed him I can forget about having him. He was here while she did this. I know he won't understand. It’s times like this I really don't know what I'm fighting to live for.
oh and after she left I went and took a shower to try to release the stress and got out to a phone call saying that I'm not answering the phone to her again! She apparently can't take my car without my consent, but wants to control the insurance I have on it. Also wants to know why I have intentions of getting a lawyer for the divorce. I told her that my friends were right about the lot deposit and the same people that told me that told me I'm going to get screwed in the divorce and to seek help before I'm in a world of hurt. She became more enraged. I try to tell her that my life is my own now and what I'm doing is my business and to let it go. She said she's to hurt to just let it go. I was the one who messed up by first not answering her calls and then by not letting her in my home and further more making a friend on x-box live that became my GF before she was completely gone.
OH it gets better! After she left here she went to the neighbors the next street over, and since the wife wasn't there assumed that that must be who was in my home. Told him that I said I was kissing her in front of him and he allows it. His all kinds of pissed! I had to go there and explain that this all started for me not being here to answer my phone and that his wife told the Ex about giving me food. She wants my friends to not help and is doing all in her power to make me the hated one in this park not mater what it takes.
Thu
My Ex has lost it! I tried to call the house yesterday to talk to my son. I called after my Ex should have left for work and her daughter answered the phone. I could hear my son complaining about something in the background. I of course asked what his problem was. She tells me wants to play his games but they are watching next top model. So I asked to talk to him and I tried to calm him down. My ex grabs the phone and yells at me for interfering with the going on of her home. I got quiet and she thought I hung up so she calls back screaming about how she's home sick and how I got no right to interfere with the kids. (This time I hung up on her) after 5 calls she finally let it go.
Well the BS starts up again. I don't get my son again this weekend because I can't pick him up. So......... she's going drive me insane! So ya my car's still not running and she knows that. So how do I tell a 6yr old that his daddy that in his eyes can do anything can't find a way to have him for 2 days? Some days suck more than others, today is one that sucks bad.
So here we go again.....
My ex has called to tell me that my posts need to be taken down before she goes to her lawyer. Perhaps she hasn't watched the news where a student posted about her teacher and what she thought of him. In that case it went to court and it was upheld that it was within her 1st amendment rights as freedom of speech. So until
Along the lines of freedom of speech... people who chose to fuel the feud between me and my ex totally have the right to talk. I know I haven't the right to stop them. But I can ask that they consider what they are doing. It doesn't help anyone.
I'm trying to get working again so I can improve my life, fix my car, and give the ex some money to help her with my son. My ex seems to think that I should already be taking days off to keep my son. I tried to explain that it's Tuesday and I don't know if I'm working this Friday yet and that I'd let her know as soon as I could but that just got me screamed at (again). You would think that I'd be used to this but it really isn't something you get used to at all. But like always she wants it all and wants it now and no matter what I do I'm going to have her complaining. This is what I live with. I wonder how the marriage lasted as long as it did. I was asked about how much my attitude has changed in such a short time. Why only last Christmas I seemed happy with my wife and the life I had. Well I lived on optimism. That things would improve if I just gave it time. When my ex chose to tell me that she had filed for a divorce that illusion dissolved and didn't take me long to realize that I hadn't been happy in some time and I was going to be better without the BS. I was of course correct. Now I can reflect and say that things can only get better.
Ok a recap of last week....
I met a guy while out walking my dog on Sunday who works on cars... job should cost 50$
Monday he starts work on it and breaks the fuel line, add another 80$ and have to wait until Thursday to get the part....
Thursday we get the part and discover he lost a part... can't just buy it so I have to order that too...
Friday that part comes in (17$) and get it together
today the car still isn't running....
Well I couldn't post yesterday so here is what happened then....
I talked to my son and he wants to come out to my house. So I told him I'd do my best to get a ride there to get him but that my car wasn't working. My ex got on the phone and I asked "how much money for gas would it take for you to drive him here?"
her reply was "you know it ain't going to work like that."
So today...... my son is calling crying about how he misses his daddy and wants me to find a ride. I called a friend @
I called and talked to my son again.... he sounded so sad and in the back ground say "I'm not keeping you from your father". She's pinning the whole not seeing him on me. This sucks so freaking bad.
At
Brian never called me back. I'll try to find a ride tomorrow. What is the earliest you would be available?
My ex called and said that she was planning on sleeping in. so I asked nicely could she called once they got up? She said yes.
My ex called back and asked "if your having such a problem picking him up How are you planning on getting him back?"
I said "what? I don't know. You mean to tell me that you can't pick him up?"
She said "it was a bad week and I can’t afford the gas"
Me: "I told you that I would have given gas money for both ways"
Her: "hey you think I a Bitch I'm going to show you what a bitch I can be"
Me: "So your saying that since I can't assure you that I can get him back I can't have him?"
Her "ya that about it"
So I now go with my 3rd weekend without my son. I hope she isn't expecting any kind gestures anytime soon!
I got my son today. Not quite sure how it happened but I can speculate. I was on phone with him and it was clear that my ex could hear me. I was saying that I wasn't getting help from his mom because she was mad at me. She from the back ground said "that's not it! It’s because the last time I helped you I got treated like dirt" and I said "see that's why she is mad at me."
It was in an instant that her tone changed and she took the phone and said she haven't received $ from her previous ex so she had no gas to drive him around, so I said once I could get a ride to the bank I'd pull out some money to give her and get my son. after a few she called back and said she got her money and would bring me my son as well as pick him up to that this wasn't to become a regular practice.
It's been great having him. We played with Superman Lego's and stuff.
I called unemployment today, turns out that last check I received is the last check I will receive. With the car still not running and no $ in bank..... I got to figure something out. Thought they would say something before it ended or that I could file an extension, but spoke with a person that said the federal government put a hold on funds till November. I'm not sure how long it might take to get evicted from my trailer but that and the car repossessed are possible in near future.
Soooo much is happening here today, looks like I got a new home for my dog. I added a pay pal donation link on my website because someone is going to help me get a storage unit for my belongings. I have a job interview this afternoon. I also have a place to live. I have to pack and get stuff together. But will keep trying to check in. And hey anyone that can and wants to help is invited to send a few bucks to help me get things together. Even a few dollars might make a big difference as the money I was counting on will never come.
Well I'm out of my house... Got my dog with me and I've spoken to what may very well be my next boss. So now just need to see what happens next. I'm using my friend’s computer to get a message like this in. Missing my friends from here and the IM's already but at least I'm closer to moving forward with my life.
Well I'm almost numb emotionally now. My dog is at a friend of a friend’s home and I'm not sure I'll get to see her again. She was such a littler puppy when I first brought her home last October. She has grown up so much and now she's out of my life.
Thu
It's not easy to try to change everything over night. Sleeping in a strange home, no dog, no laptop with high speed internet, my IM's, my phone, my own quiet space, etc.....
Thanks to everyone for their support. I really need it these days.
Thu
I was leaching bandwidth earlier today but got disconnected, but I'm taking this moment to say hey! I'm doing ok. I went to a job interview and if things go well I should be working soon. I haven't been able to get my storage unit yet but I should be getting that sometime next week and from there getting my stuff out of my old place. I have a lot to do before that trailer is taken from me so I'm making a list and waiting until I can get back down there. Not sure if I'll be able to get my son though. Makes me sad to think that but without transportation there isn't much I can do.
Had the name that was tattooed on my ring finger covered today! woot!
I'm home (back at the trailor) packing and picking up. There is much to do, but at least it's getting done.
You might say this is a bad day for my pets, well at least for me. My dog was to wild to stay at a friend’s (she is still a puppy after all) so she has gone to the humane society. The fish have also moved to their new home. So I'm truly alone in my home now. Feels funny to be in this trailer with out pets. I just hope they get a good home for my dog.
Well I haven't posted much lately. But I did have my son for father’s day. That was cool though I didn't get much time with him. He had Sunday school and had to go back to his mom's at
Today was bad news though. My son went to the doctor's today. His ears are having problems again. The doctor says that he can’t be around cigarette smoke or dog hair till they can find the cause. With me having to move, the one I'm going to has two dogs. So my future of seeing my son is on the line. I might only be able to perhaps pick him up and go to the mall and see a movie before taking him home until I get myself together and get a place of my own. To make maters worse child support promises making that happen will not be easy.
So there ya have it. Life is sucking for me at the moment. I'm just glad I got friends here online that care.
I just called to talk to my son... the ex got on the phone (thought she would be at work) said he's busy playing and can't talk right now and they are going to the circus tonight. Oh and she's not sure now if she's bringing him here tomorrow.
The day my car was taken.
Thu
Well I went to court all the way in down town
I called the friend of the court and found that the court appointment that was for today was to get child support for during the proceedings. That was canceled as not being necessary but there is a court date coming up regarding my visitations......
I am going to get a lawyer to make sure that I don't loose my chance to see my son.
I'm very close to being done packing and am anxious to move. I know the beginning of the rest of my life is right around the corner and I can't wait for that chapter to begin.
Well more bad news......
I got my mail today and there is a shut off notice for my electric. That will knock out phone and all.....
I'm going to have to double check but I think there is a court hearing regarding visitations of my son on the 11th. I'm going to try to get a lawyer to represent me in the court and get the $$ together for the moving truck ASAP. As it's coming down to the wire I'm getting scared. I got like 10$ out of the nearly 400$ needed so far.
Sunday at 155$ of the 400$
Well it's been a while since I've posted an update....
so here is the news. I have received a shut off notice for gas and electric that's past due to be turned off. I also have an eviction notice to be out of my trailer by next weekend. I've been declined help from the state.
On the brighter side, I have an appointment to perhaps get help from some agency and my new trailer park manager is going to help see that I get ride to get to it. So perhaps tomorrow will be a better day
Also as far as good news, I'm in love. I've come to have found what I've been missing and am going to work very hard to get my life back on track to be able to have her in my life.
Life can be hard, very hard.... But it can get better at any moment and I know that the power of love has given so much strength to keep trying.
posted by AKA AWOL at 6:14 PM
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