MMMmm Chicken

Well, it's been fun, a scenic drive, and now some world famous chicken! I love this place, even got a few souvenirs to take back home.  I miss home but must say having fun in Michigan.  So many places to see in visit and it really feels like time is flying by. I hope to get is much in as posible.

Oh in case anyone in Belleville or Taylor missed it, I was the one in the rented car waving my middle finger high and proud as I drove past.

Windy City

Jet lag, sleepy but excited. Guess we will head out for breakfast and enjoy what looks like it will be a beautiful day. So much fun planned. Sheds Aquarium, the Navy Pier and back to the hotel to enjoy the beautiful view.  

WOW! Before I go...

Well before I head off on another long flight, I wanna tell anyone who is still looking here for updates to check out my newly revamped website akaawol.com and see where the fun is! just over 100 post and nearly as many wonderful comments. It's the kind of fun you might expect. Oh and the team I have is looking for more entertaining links and funny things, so drop in and join the fun =)

Wow

So I'm bad eh?

I'm getting told what a bad guy I am. Really? Because I can't talk to my son because paths like facebook are blocked. I have no idea if my son knows that his account has me blocked. I got a message saying don't blame mom, we didn't block you. But then again I got a few messages that said they were from my son that became clear it wasn't him at all.
So I'm bad? What about using the love to try and extort information under false pretenses? What sort of person plays on a fathers love, some mind games because you aren't getting your way? Who has friends and neighbors send nasty messages with only part truths between a pack of lies? Think you know me? Think again. I have no idea what was said that would make a young man threaten my life, but I can only guess it was more lies. Good thing I wasn't there at the time. the court may have been given that text, and here? he might have been caned for remarks like that.
Want that chance buddy? I'll be in my old home town from the end of July till the start of September. Good luck finding me.

remembering 2010

Lots happened this last year. From earth quakes, oil spills and republicans winning lots of seats. But there were some things that weren't bad. I lost my cell phone job. Had my mother come life with me. Then came the no-ped. My Honda gave me freedom, much needed freedom and more important it helped me to see my son. That's where the big change came from. My visits became more increasingly visits of my ex-wife as well. I now have a very changed life. I'd like to thank everyone who helped make 2010 a good year. Lets all hope that 2011 is an even better year though.

Politics

So here it is, election day. this has me thinking. Why could I really care less who wins and why all the talk of people disenfranchised with the current leaders. Here is why I think we no longer take interest in politics. It seems regardless how we vote, nothing will truly get done. Why? Well from what I see if one party tries hard to get a good idea threw, it becomes the other party’s agenda to see to it that it doesn’t. So why would that do that? Well, I guess they can bear the thought “the other guy’s” will be credited with really helping us the people. So what the fuck are we suposta think?

43+ 1month

So here it is, all ready a month since I turned 43. If this month is any indication of what getting older is going to be like....
I've been suffering with back pain for the last few weeks. Started with bending over to pick something up and a cough. I've seen a Dr and been taking meds to cope. It's been a bit of 2 steps forward and 1 step back. Like today I could barely get out of bed and just standing brought on a great amount of pain. The walk in was a challenge with snow and strong winds. If there was anything good I guess the snow hid the tears from the pain.
It hasn't helped that due to being short handed at work and having no available time to take off work that I haven't the time to rest and let things mend.
So when the woman motorist was confused about passing me as I walked on the side of the road and was saying things that I couldn't hear over the sound of her horn. I made sure that the two words I said were loud, clear and mouthed in a way that she would be able to read my lips.
Life isn't all bad though. I know that in time I'll mend. I also have good memories that help me get threw these hard times. Like last week it snowed really hard on my son's birthday. It reminded me how on his 2nd birthday I was assigned to take him for a drive while his mom set up for the surprise party. It was snowing hard and since we were living in south west Detroit we took a drive to belle isle. While there I introduced DJ to doing "donuts" in the parking lot. His first reaction was a look of WTH was that! Then when he realised that I did it delibritly he giggled and laughed so hard saying "do it again daddy".
Ya that's life. There are times that are good, and times that are bad. But if you recall the times that were good when times get bad they just don't feel quite so bad.

The day after

Here I am getting ready for work and all I can say is that I'm depressed. How can I just go back to the grind after having such a wonderful time with my son? I look around and see signs that he has been here and I miss him so much. He touches my life in ways that I'm sure he has no idea of and I'm gonna miss him till I can have him back here with me. Well off to work I go. May god bless his life and let him know how much he is loved.

Jan18th 2010

So much going on!
First thing is I've had my son since Saturday and he went home today. Ya I got an extra day because of the holiday. It was an awesome weekend even if it set me back any cash I may have saved up. We played and beat all levels of Halo 3 ODST and played the first halo as well. Oh we also went and saw the movie "Avitar" that was awesome too! We also got treated to lunch By my mother at Apple Bees. But the best was just that we got time together.
Well for a while now I've been planing to make a post regarding today. Today marks the 2 years that I've been walking to my work. That's hundreds of miles walked and many shoes worn out. Several say that it's good exercise, I'd say I could do with a bit less.

some week!

Quite some week! Started out with no internet last weekend. That had me scrambling to find wire to replace the spliced one that goes from the jack to the box outside. Got it back on Monday and have worked each day since, so there really wasn't much time to write. But today came the great news! Due to some scheduling changes and some luck I get my son this weekend. I have to work till close the a store meeting first thing Saturday but after that it's a drive to get him! His mom asked that it be a surprise just in case there is any hang up. I don't mind since it's gonna make both our day! Well gotta get cleaning here. :D

Mr popular

Yesterday was packed with calls and outings! Went out shoping and to the movies with my mom. We saw Old dogs. What a great flick! Got some much need stuff for braveing the cold and in general an awesome time. Came home and got to talk to my boy. DJ your growing up to be an awesome young man! The a viset from Brandan. It was good to catch up after so many years. Well I'm very tired now but must brave the cold and get off to work.

very cold out there!

Well not much new other than this cold spell we are in. So cold I decided to use a bandanna to cover my mouth and nose on my way to work. The moisture must have been then going up from my breath as I noticed ice on my eyelashes!
I keep thinking back to the phone call that started my New Year. Thanks again son for keeping your word and calling. It was the most special New Years I've had in quite some time. I wonder if you would remember the New Years that you, your brothers and I played Halo one the 2 x-boxes we had. One in your bedroom and the other in mine. That year we were having such fun, all playing together, having laughs. well until.... I guess we lost track of time. Denise burst in yelling and cussing me out. Called me a bastard and all kinds of things, rather than a heads up before the midnight hour. It's these memories that I recall and wish had never happened but did. I always was happy with the time we had together and I will keep braving the cold and doing what I can so that I may have a future with my son and not pass as young as my father had done.

productive 1st day of the year?

Kinda productive, I slept in big time. I did how ever get a lot of sorting done and cleaned up my room, so I feel like I have make some accomplishments. I found the headsets for my X-box 360 so when you get your internet back DJ I'll be able to play games with you and be on your team! kinda worn out but I've got to keep going. still much to do. To bad my call didn't go threw to share my excitement over the find so that you would know that it's not gonna be long before we can both play the X-box together just like we used to. Well I'm sure you will know soon enough.

Happy New Year!!

My resolution? More post to come this year. I wish to recall memories for my son to read when he's older and perhaps even after I'm gone. Hope next year is better than this and just keep getting better.

Psalm 133:1 Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!

I don't expect that this year will bring people to all dwell together in happiness but perhaps for a change more may learn and enjoy.

God bless everyone

Just a note for my son

Son I know us being apart for so long has not easy. When you look back I'm sure you will wonder why we were apart. If you think about it I'm sure the answers will be clear. You have been lied to so much, but if you look in to your heart I'm sure you will find the truth.
Here are some questions to ask yourself....
If your Dad had a car would we have seen each other more?
Did your mother have a car?
Were you told you could go to Ceder Point and should save your money?
Did your mother later change her mind and say you couldn't go?
Did your Dad keep trying to get you for a day?
Did your mother NOT give your Dad a date in advance and keep insisting that it wasn't possible?
Did your Dad need advanced notice to request time off work?
Has your dad tried several times to get you, only to have your mother yell or try to give me a hard time?
Was our trip to Ceder Point just your Dads way to give you a great day out?
Was your Dad disappointed that we couldn't go?

Well I hope you can clearly see where the problem lies and will remember long after this and even as you grow old. Knowing that your father has always loved you and valued our time together.

planning ahead...

“It pays to plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.”
“Planning is bringing the future into the present so that you can do something about it now”
“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”
“Failing to plan is planning to fail”
“Good fortune is what happens when opportunity meets with planning.”

Clearly...

Someone must think I'm stupid. That I'm not capable of reading between the lines to see the motives. You would think they would know me better and know that I'd see right threw the thin veil of excuses and reasons they present. I guess that would be to give them more credit than they deserve. More to come soon

A quitter...

Well now I've gone and done it! Took two big steps to quit smoking. First I gave away the stuff for making cigs. next I bought stuff to help me quit. So here is to the new me, or an old me. What ever it is I'm on my way to bettering my life.

All the posts fron else where

Nothing really new to share here if you have been a friend. While the divorce was going on I couldn't really blog all I wanted. Well not if I wanted really, because I did post to my blog. I had posts in places that my ex and family couldn't see. I always said that one day I'd have links to them but have decided that this would be easier. So finally in on place I've got it all, Here it is........

February 17th, 2007

What a day!

I got up to see about a job and before I got out the door was told that divorce papers were filed a while ago. I guess in a couple weeks I'll be served with them. My kid is freaking out. Not sure what I'm going to do but I guess things will work out for the best. I've been threaten with it for years. So I guess I knew it was going to happen someday. trying to see where I'm going to move to, not really sure how far away from my son I want to be cause I know I'd miss him so much. I have so much to figure out and not sure where to start. The 360 and computer are for sure coming with me! Beyond that it's going to be a fight for what I get.

February 18th, 2007

no regrets

I was told today that the primary reason for my divorce is my desire to play video games. Well.... I have loved my games for years. I love my friends on x-box live and don't see changing. Why would anyone why to take something that is so love away. But that’s not going to matter for much longer. I'll be free to play in my free time and will make sure that if I ever give my heart away again I will do it with a gamer!

February 19th, 2007

don't get me wrong...

People might think that my divorce has got me feeling down. Well nothing could be farther from the truth. I'm feeling a sense of relief. We have had problems with our relationship from before my son was born. At one time I thought I couldn't live without her, but I'm over that now. I will move on with my life and enjoy life once again. I've deleted the dumb ass comment that said the problem was me flirting with women; the truth is I don't just go about flirting. Yes I have met a wonderful woman through the x-box live. Would I have her in my life? Hell yes! So there it is. I'm doing better than ever and finally going to be really happy.

February 20th, 2007

What in a number?

What in a number? Some are so hung up on numbers that they let them control their lives. I didn’t buy a Playstation 3 because to number 600 did something for me. It wasn’t because I couldn’t afford it I just saw the number as an obstacle that I wasn’t willing to overcome. There are other numbers in our lives. Lots of numbers. Age is another number people get weird about. With age comes wisdom and if there is something I’ve learned I know to listen to those whom have wisdom. I tried to talk reasonably to someone who I’ve upset, but was shunned. He didn’t want any wisdom passed along; he had already formed opinions on how life is supposed to be and doesn’t want to hear other wise. Life is short, find happiness where you can. Don’t let anger rule your heart, and if you find love between to consenting adults don’t let anything stand between it. Consenting adults; there’s something to think about. I don’t know about other parts of the world but in the great ol’ USA anyone over the age of 18 is considered an adult. So if I find comfort and love from an adult I’m am in no way doing something wrong. I’d be stupid to listen to some narrow minded guy who doesn’t believe that. So before you cast judgment on me, consider where your life might be years from now and would you pass on love because of a number.

February 21st, 2007

caller ID

A sweet girl called me really late last night and I missed the call. I'm so sorry I missed that call! Well the number was on the caller ID and has had me explain how I talk with the sweetest person. I know it's going to be a difficult time here now, but I guess it's for the best. I no longer have anything to hide. I just want the problems of living with my soon to be x-wife to be over. I need to get out of here and on my own. Of course that would mean that the bills would go unpaid and I would be held responsible for half of them. That is no way to get financially ahead. So what will I do? Stay tuned! Even I have no idea at this point.

February 27th, 2007

To many posts

Sunday, February 25, 2007
To many posts
For anyone that knows me should know that I am going to be going through a divorce. Because of that I have been going and venting by posting to my various blogs. Once the divorce is over I plan on making links to all my posts available. One day it might even be easy to see what I've been going through. I'm not really my self these days and I know it. I'm torn up inside. I've known for years the relationship with my wife wasn't the best but kept thinking one day it would improve. The fact is I pushed my wife away when she was pregnant with my son. I didn't know that woman go through emotional changes during that part of their life. I seeked comfort from another woman and it was that woman that helped me to see that I was wrong. Though the relationship ended there the hurt never went away for my wife and deep down she used the anger to keep our relationship from getting back on track. I was neglected, kept from the love I needed and in the end I know that things could never be set strait. I'm going to go on with my life and love again. I have learned a lot in the last few years. I know that the thing that was killing me most was the lack of affection. I could have lived without sex, but I need the touch of a woman to make me feel whole. A kiss can mean so much and for years I lived with only receiving a few and most were nothing more than a peck good-by when one of us were on the way out the door. I'm going to miss her but know I'll be better off in time. I hope this answers questions that some of my family had regarding why things never seemed to go well for me n my wife. I know I did try and will go on trying to be a good person for my son. Thanks for letting me vent.
BTW this was what was asked of me to remove from my main blog

Sat Mar 03, 2007 @ 07:52am

Ok, if you have been following the drama...here is today’s installment. I got a rude awakening by the sound of all the clothes and boxes falling next to the bed I was sleeping in. So all of the clothes, both mine and soon2bx. I wanted to put her stuff in a box to help make it easy to get it gone (she is moving out after all by this next Tuesday) She wanted me to fix it all and put her stuff back up. hummmmm NOT HAPPENING!! So this closet mate shelf thing is going to sit until she's gone and once she is I can fix it up and organize my home.

Sat Mar 03, 2007 @ 02:15pm

OMG!!! I was in towns just chilling when the soon2bx came up asking what I was doing. I said nothing and to please stop starring over my shoulder. She came up and hit my key pad of my laptop! I pushed her aside and she started hitting me n ripped my shirt! Said she was going to call the cops for chatting with an 18 yr old. So I called the cops! Told them what was going on while she's screaming in the back ground! They had he go for the night. I guess she's taking my son to spend the night at her mom's house. Wow was this crazy. (Later I found that she stayed only a few trailers away)

Sun Mar 04, 2007 @ 06:35pm

Well the soon2bx sent a neighbor to get a bunch of stuff. That included my sons X-box n game cube, clothes and so much more. Latter I received a call to say I can't see my son until after she gets settled in to her new home. I miss my son so much.

Tue Mar 06, 2007 @ 04:26pm

Today was a lot less stressful. I didn't fight nearly as much with soon2bx, so that was nice. I also got to see my son today and play some Halo with him. He’s going to spend some time with me this weekend so he can have some time to visit with his x-box live friends.

Wed Mar 07, 2007 @ 12:05pm

Trapped in my own home! Well just like the last couple of days the soon2bx came over early. She was to have her home inspected to be able to move in. it's after 3pm and still not done. so she sits here telling me what I can and can’t do. As for me I have no power to stop the madness if I hope to see my kid or get this home as planed. So I wait..........

Thu Mar 08, 2007 @ 12:03pm

Still trapped in my home and it keeps getting worse. My GF called with my soon2bx and kid here. I needed to know when I could talk to her but it all blew up in my face. Soon2bx has taken great issue to my GF calling here before she has had the chance to move out. The inspection of her new home still hasn't happened and we can't seem to get word as to when it will happen. If I have to live with them this whole weekend I'm going to loose my mind. At least the anger has the soon2bx keeping away from me but we still are in the same home and fight over stupid things. I wish I could be allowed to just go on with my life and not hear about age difference and how my family has trouble seeing what I post on my own site.

Sat Mar 10, 2007 @ 06:44pm

DJ got up early and played x-box for a few and decided he missed his mother and went home. I couldn't start my car so I've sat here doing nothing much. I thought my kid would want to come back when his mom went to work but he never called.

Wed Mar 14, 2007 @ 11:54am

OK. So I let my journal go a couple days but here we are again. yesterday I had to get supplies for the house like a mop n cleaners, toothpaste etc. I get off the phone with my son and it killed me to say I couldn't have him over to spend the night since I don't have food here and with him being sick I didn't want him in a dirty house. So I walked 2 miles to the closest store and 2 miles back with my stuff to get home to 18 missed calls. My x had the kid believing that I was home not answering my phone. I talked to the kid and explained that I was out and wouldn't do that to him, but it still hurts that he could be told that daddy would ignore him.

Wed Mar 14, 2007 @ 12:01pm

Entry continued: the ex came in and took most all of the dishes (left one plate etc...) and asked if I had picked up the papers (the divorce) from her lawyer. I explain that without a car I can't really do a thing. She gives me a ride to the office and the whole ride is grilling me about have I bought food for DJ, have I gotten a call about the job I applied for. She kept going on and on. She wants permission from me to introduce her new boyfriend to my son, and the whole time playing country music (aggggggggg) I have barely read the paper since I've been home. I got to the part that my substantial income means how I have to support her and my son. I don't have the means to do much at all! Well there you have it.

Mon Mar 19, 2007 @ 05:03pm

Well today my trailer became my own! Transferred the title to me and the keys have all been handed back, so I can truly say this is my home!! So hooray for me. I was also able to my puppy some food. That was good because she was out. So it's a good day! I also gave back the one plate she left me. Now that I have been given dishes I figure I would do it. I signed off on letting my ex have who ever in her home as it will also allow me the same respect. So I can have a girl friend life here! WOOT! Any takers? JK

Tue Mar 20, 2007 @ 10:27pm

Well today I had confirmed what my neighbors had been telling me. My ex is not keeping her word and I'm going to have to pay a security deposit for the lot rent. This is going to set me back as this was way more $$$ than I get from unemployment. I'm going to come out on top but am going to suffer for weeks going without until I can get things together to get caught back up on bills. These next few weeks are going to be so very hard to get through. But there is nothing I can really do. The hardest part is that I won't be having my son as I have nothing here for him for food. Yes I'm bummed but life goes on.

Mon Mar 26, 2007 @ 11:12am

As I type this my hands are still shaking. Me ex just showed up and tried to charge in to my home saying she wanted all the papers to my car. I kept her out but it got into some heated discussion through the door. She's having my car towed today. I couldn't make a payment this month due to the paying the deposit for the lot where I live. So I lose the car and any hopes of getting a job again soon. Also she informed me that if I can't pick up my son on the weekend or have the food to feed him I can forget about having him. He was here while she did this. I know he won't understand. It’s times like this I really don't know what I'm fighting to live for.

oh and after she left I went and took a shower to try to release the stress and got out to a phone call saying that I'm not answering the phone to her again! She apparently can't take my car without my consent, but wants to control the insurance I have on it. Also wants to know why I have intentions of getting a lawyer for the divorce. I told her that my friends were right about the lot deposit and the same people that told me that told me I'm going to get screwed in the divorce and to seek help before I'm in a world of hurt. She became more enraged. I try to tell her that my life is my own now and what I'm doing is my business and to let it go. She said she's to hurt to just let it go. I was the one who messed up by first not answering her calls and then by not letting her in my home and further more making a friend on x-box live that became my GF before she was completely gone.

OH it gets better! After she left here she went to the neighbors the next street over, and since the wife wasn't there assumed that that must be who was in my home. Told him that I said I was kissing her in front of him and he allows it. His all kinds of pissed! I had to go there and explain that this all started for me not being here to answer my phone and that his wife told the Ex about giving me food. She wants my friends to not help and is doing all in her power to make me the hated one in this park not mater what it takes.

Thu Apr 12, 2007 @ 10:18pm

My Ex has lost it! I tried to call the house yesterday to talk to my son. I called after my Ex should have left for work and her daughter answered the phone. I could hear my son complaining about something in the background. I of course asked what his problem was. She tells me wants to play his games but they are watching next top model. So I asked to talk to him and I tried to calm him down. My ex grabs the phone and yells at me for interfering with the going on of her home. I got quiet and she thought I hung up so she calls back screaming about how she's home sick and how I got no right to interfere with the kids. (This time I hung up on her) after 5 calls she finally let it go.

Wed Apr 18, 2007 @ 03:11pm

Well the BS starts up again. I don't get my son again this weekend because I can't pick him up. So......... she's going drive me insane! So ya my car's still not running and she knows that. So how do I tell a 6yr old that his daddy that in his eyes can do anything can't find a way to have him for 2 days? Some days suck more than others, today is one that sucks bad.

Tue Apr 24, 2007 @ 05:33pm

So here we go again.....
My ex has called to tell me that my posts need to be taken down before she goes to her lawyer. Perhaps she hasn't watched the news where a student posted about her teacher and what she thought of him. In that case it went to court and it was upheld that it was within her 1st amendment rights as freedom of speech. So until America drops it fundamental rights, this is my blog and I will post as I chose. If she needs the world to know her story she can get her own blog. Then she can tell the world the things she tells me. like how I'm wrong by buying toilet paper in the 12 pack when I'm broke (like a guy without a car should get smaller amounts and risk running out) or the many other pearls of wisdom she desires to share.
Along the lines of freedom of speech... people who chose to fuel the feud between me and my ex totally have the right to talk. I know I haven't the right to stop them. But I can ask that they consider what they are doing. It doesn't help anyone.
I'm trying to get working again so I can improve my life, fix my car, and give the ex some money to help her with my son. My ex seems to think that I should already be taking days off to keep my son. I tried to explain that it's Tuesday and I don't know if I'm working this Friday yet and that I'd let her know as soon as I could but that just got me screamed at (again). You would think that I'd be used to this but it really isn't something you get used to at all. But like always she wants it all and wants it now and no matter what I do I'm going to have her complaining. This is what I live with. I wonder how the marriage lasted as long as it did. I was asked about how much my attitude has changed in such a short time. Why only last Christmas I seemed happy with my wife and the life I had. Well I lived on optimism. That things would improve if I just gave it time. When my ex chose to tell me that she had filed for a divorce that illusion dissolved and didn't take me long to realize that I hadn't been happy in some time and I was going to be better without the BS. I was of course correct. Now I can reflect and say that things can only get better.

Sat Apr 28, 2007 @ 06:33am

Ok a recap of last week....
I met a guy while out walking my dog on Sunday who works on cars... job should cost 50$

Monday he starts work on it and breaks the fuel line, add another 80$ and have to wait until Thursday to get the part....

Thursday we get the part and discover he lost a part... can't just buy it so I have to order that too...

Friday that part comes in (17$) and get it together

today the car still isn't running....

Fri May 25, 2007 @ 02:53pm

Well I couldn't post yesterday so here is what happened then....

I talked to my son and he wants to come out to my house. So I told him I'd do my best to get a ride there to get him but that my car wasn't working. My ex got on the phone and I asked "how much money for gas would it take for you to drive him here?"
her reply was "you know it ain't going to work like that."

So today...... my son is calling crying about how he misses his daddy and wants me to find a ride. I called a friend @5:30pm who was still at work. He is an hour away and has things to do before he could help. I called the ex back and told her what was up. She told me that was too bad because now she might not be around later. I said "I just want you to know what your doing to our son is wrong", and hung up. She called back and started bitching, I said "this wasn't up for a debate". She was going "waaa waaa waaa" as I hung up again.

I called and talked to my son again.... he sounded so sad and in the back ground say "I'm not keeping you from your father". She's pinning the whole not seeing him on me. This sucks so freaking bad.

At 10:40pm I sent this message to the ex's phone:

Brian never called me back. I'll try to find a ride tomorrow. What is the earliest you would be available?

My ex called and said that she was planning on sleeping in. so I asked nicely could she called once they got up? She said yes.

My ex called back and asked "if your having such a problem picking him up How are you planning on getting him back?"
I said "what? I don't know. You mean to tell me that you can't pick him up?"
She said "it was a bad week and I can’t afford the gas"
Me: "I told you that I would have given gas money for both ways"
Her: "hey you think I a Bitch I'm going to show you what a bitch I can be"
Me: "So your saying that since I can't assure you that I can get him back I can't have him?"
Her "ya that about it"

So I now go with my 3rd weekend without my son. I hope she isn't expecting any kind gestures anytime soon!

Sat May 26, 2007 @ 08:28pm

I got my son today. Not quite sure how it happened but I can speculate. I was on phone with him and it was clear that my ex could hear me. I was saying that I wasn't getting help from his mom because she was mad at me. She from the back ground said "that's not it! It’s because the last time I helped you I got treated like dirt" and I said "see that's why she is mad at me."
It was in an instant that her tone changed and she took the phone and said she haven't received $ from her previous ex so she had no gas to drive him around, so I said once I could get a ride to the bank I'd pull out some money to give her and get my son. after a few she called back and said she got her money and would bring me my son as well as pick him up to that this wasn't to become a regular practice.

It's been great having him. We played with Superman Lego's and stuff.

Tue May 29, 2007 @ 01:14pm

I called unemployment today, turns out that last check I received is the last check I will receive. With the car still not running and no $ in bank..... I got to figure something out. Thought they would say something before it ended or that I could file an extension, but spoke with a person that said the federal government put a hold on funds till November. I'm not sure how long it might take to get evicted from my trailer but that and the car repossessed are possible in near future.

Wed May 30, 2007 @ 10:31am

Soooo much is happening here today, looks like I got a new home for my dog. I added a pay pal donation link on my website because someone is going to help me get a storage unit for my belongings. I have a job interview this afternoon. I also have a place to live. I have to pack and get stuff together. But will keep trying to check in. And hey anyone that can and wants to help is invited to send a few bucks to help me get things together. Even a few dollars might make a big difference as the money I was counting on will never come.

Well I'm out of my house... Got my dog with me and I've spoken to what may very well be my next boss. So now just need to see what happens next. I'm using my friend’s computer to get a message like this in. Missing my friends from here and the IM's already but at least I'm closer to moving forward with my life.

Wed May 30, 2007 @ 04:59pm

Well I'm almost numb emotionally now. My dog is at a friend of a friend’s home and I'm not sure I'll get to see her again. She was such a littler puppy when I first brought her home last October. She has grown up so much and now she's out of my life.

Thu May 31, 2007 @ 07:47am

It's not easy to try to change everything over night. Sleeping in a strange home, no dog, no laptop with high speed internet, my IM's, my phone, my own quiet space, etc.....

Thanks to everyone for their support. I really need it these days.

Thu May 31, 2007 @ 05:54pm

I was leaching bandwidth earlier today but got disconnected, but I'm taking this moment to say hey! I'm doing ok. I went to a job interview and if things go well I should be working soon. I haven't been able to get my storage unit yet but I should be getting that sometime next week and from there getting my stuff out of my old place. I have a lot to do before that trailer is taken from me so I'm making a list and waiting until I can get back down there. Not sure if I'll be able to get my son though. Makes me sad to think that but without transportation there isn't much I can do.

Fri Jun 01, 2007 @ 11:53am

Had the name that was tattooed on my ring finger covered today! woot!

Sat Jun 02, 2007 @ 01:31pm

I'm home (back at the trailor) packing and picking up. There is much to do, but at least it's getting done.

Tue Jun 05, 2007 @ 05:41pm

You might say this is a bad day for my pets, well at least for me. My dog was to wild to stay at a friend’s (she is still a puppy after all) so she has gone to the humane society. The fish have also moved to their new home. So I'm truly alone in my home now. Feels funny to be in this trailer with out pets. I just hope they get a good home for my dog.

Mon Jun 18, 2007 @ 07:58pm

Well I haven't posted much lately. But I did have my son for father’s day. That was cool though I didn't get much time with him. He had Sunday school and had to go back to his mom's at noon.

Today was bad news though. My son went to the doctor's today. His ears are having problems again. The doctor says that he can’t be around cigarette smoke or dog hair till they can find the cause. With me having to move, the one I'm going to has two dogs. So my future of seeing my son is on the line. I might only be able to perhaps pick him up and go to the mall and see a movie before taking him home until I get myself together and get a place of my own. To make maters worse child support promises making that happen will not be easy.

So there ya have it. Life is sucking for me at the moment. I'm just glad I got friends here online that care.

Fri Jun 22, 2007 @ 03:07pm

I just called to talk to my son... the ex got on the phone (thought she would be at work) said he's busy playing and can't talk right now and they are going to the circus tonight. Oh and she's not sure now if she's bringing him here tomorrow.

Mon Jun 25, 2007 @ 11:14am

The day my car was taken.

Thu Jun 28, 2007 @ 08:01am

Well I went to court all the way in down town Detroit only to find it was canceled. Well I guess now that that's over I can move and get on with my life. Moving out in about 2 weeks. Peace and love to all that read this.

I called the friend of the court and found that the court appointment that was for today was to get child support for during the proceedings. That was canceled as not being necessary but there is a court date coming up regarding my visitations......
I am going to get a lawyer to make sure that I don't loose my chance to see my son.

I'm very close to being done packing and am anxious to move. I know the beginning of the rest of my life is right around the corner and I can't wait for that chapter to begin.

Fri Jun 29, 2007 @ 03:22pm

Well more bad news......
I got my mail today and there is a shut off notice for my electric. That will knock out phone and all.....
I'm going to have to double check but I think there is a court hearing regarding visitations of my son on the 11th. I'm going to try to get a lawyer to represent me in the court and get the $$ together for the moving truck ASAP. As it's coming down to the wire I'm getting scared. I got like 10$ out of the nearly 400$ needed so far.

8:45 pm I have now gotten up to 105$ of the 400$ needed
Sunday at 155$ of the 400$

Tue Jul 17, 2007 @ 04:53pm

Well it's been a while since I've posted an update....
so here is the news. I have received a shut off notice for gas and electric that's past due to be turned off. I also have an eviction notice to be out of my trailer by next weekend. I've been declined help from the state.
On the brighter side, I have an appointment to perhaps get help from some agency and my new trailer park manager is going to help see that I get ride to get to it. So perhaps tomorrow will be a better day
Also as far as good news, I'm in love. I've come to have found what I've been missing and am going to work very hard to get my life back on track to be able to have her in my life.
Life can be hard, very hard.... But it can get better at any moment and I know that the power of love has given so much strength to keep trying.

alown again

Just got home from dropping my son off. We had a great weekend, but I certainly would have loved having more time with him. Truth is I could never really have enough time with my son. He shows me that I have something good to live for. I got him a fishing pole and he got to try out fishing for his first time. Although he didn't catch anything, he proved that he was a quick learner and didn't need long to learn to cast. This morning he was up and ready to go and we played halo3, one of the things he loves to do when he comes out to visit me. Playing video games with my son brings back great memories of all the time we spent together when he was younger. DJ was there to help me beat Halo2 when it first came out. We developed strategies together when the game was to hard to just go through. Like he would charge in and kill a bunch before getting killed and respon back where I was and charge back in till it was safe to move on. later on we had gotten our X-box live accounts and played against many other people. My son had made me so very proud. I recall after a game where he had played so very well that someone told him to "shut up, you sound like a little kid". He was only 5 at the time and I came to his defense saying that "he is only 5 and a level 16 so if you can boast thats your user rank is 3times your age then you have room to talk or else it's you that needs to shut up, why don't you look at how many times a 5 year killed you in that last game." The kid with the big mouth signed off and after that we had several "friend requests" because everyone thought is was so cool that a dad and son would play a game like that together.
I miss our times like that that we had. I guess back then we both knew things weren't going so great in our home life and it was our way to live outside of those problems. This thought came to me as we were getting closer to his home to drop him off and DJ turned the conversation back to Halo3 and "what ifs". I could sense that he didn't want to talk about how long it had been since the last time we saw each other or how long it might be till we saw each other again. I just hope I never have to wait that long to see my son ever again.

Thanks again to his mother for bringing him out, and I hope she will reconsider that first thing she said when she showed up about "never doing this again" as DJ needs his father as well as I need my son.

more news

Well after finding that DJ is about an inch or two to short for any of the cool rides we have opted for the movies. So we are about to see Speed Racer. Still taken back at the events from when my son was droped off as soon as he was out of the car I lifted him up in and didn't want to let him go. After all it had been 4 months since I last saw him. I was told to put him down because he isn't a baby. Seems kinda odd to me. Would her reactions be any diffrent is she was away from her child for just as long? If not, why not?

he made it

At 12;15 he made it. First thing I was told was she will never do this again. She also made a comment about saying thank you as I was saying it. Oh well I am greatful and happy to see my son!

another update.....

Well my son just called again. It's 10:48 and they still haven't left yet. It will take an hour just to drive out here so I might get him by noon.

update...

9:50am just got a call from my son. They haven't even left the house yet.

beginning to wonder.....

Well it's 20 after 9 in the morning. After the lecture on the importance of being on time with returning my son (and me without my own car) I'm wondering why he isn't here since I was told they would leave around 7am and he would be out to me by 9am....

Visitations update

Looks like seening my son this weekend is still going to happen just when has been pushed back by about 12hrs. Kind of a bummer considering I want to spend as much time with him that I can. He still hasn't called to tell me what he wants to do this weekend so his choices might get limited unless he wants to walk to the store with me. I'm so very excited about this visit but a bit scarred too. I have a set time to have my son home by and since I don't have a car of my own I have to rely on someone else to not let me down or any chances of getting his mothers help in the future is unlikely. So all I can do is hope that all goes well.

passing

I found out yesterday (sorry I didn't have time to post then) that my ex-wife's first husbands father died. I would like to offer my condolences to his family. I'm sure he will be missed.

the wait is over?

After waiting and wishing to see my son for 4 months the wait may be over. My ex-wife is talking about bringing him out this weekend. The anticipation is killing me. I don't know where to begin when it comes to what to do once he gets here. I'll be sure to post after I've seen him(provided he does get to come, if for some reason he doesn't come out I will really be sure to post)

DUMB BITCH

Well readers I want to share a comment that was left in regards to my post called 'Hypocrite'. It was sent in by 'anonymous' but this person should be know to readers of this blog as my ex-wife or baby momma. Before you read it let me warn you that it's not written by a child as it might appear but a grown 41 year old woman that is in charge of taking care of my son.

She wrote:
" lets tell your reader why i wont seened you you son cloths any more ,you wont seen all his things bach home when i seed them,you forgot to tell your readers that.you go weeks with out calling your son.months with out seeing your son.and you dont even let him know your not coming.all i keep hereing is poor me,you have only your self right know you could work to job to get a car so that you can see your son.and you seem to think my mom gives me everything i work to jobs and take care of my kids.my mom gave you a home by your son you lost it.so stop thinking poor me and think about your son.you know nothing about him anymore,you dont even ask him.my fiance is more of a father to him then you are .you have not been here for your son sence we left you. "


Lord help my son when it comes time that he needs help with his home work!
Yes I forgot to take back a tub of Desitin. I did offer my ex the chance to come pick it up since I didn't have the gas to make the drive again. I guess it wasn't that importiant since she still hasn't botered to come and get it. Out of spite though this is the reason given for my son not being able to bring anything more "than the clothes on his back" (her words). It was one simple mistake that was made when me and my son were playing up untill the last minute and we failed to grab it.
This weekend was my weekend to have my son but once again the bitch made plans so that once again I don't get to have him on his birthday weekend. I was informed of this by my son on the phone. Real nice!
By the way I don't just think that my ex's mother has taken care of her and handed her the life she has. I know it! My former mother-in-law bought the car and home for my ex and their arangement was that my ex would sign over her checks from work and have the bills payed by her mom since my ex can't handle money. Yes my ex's mom left me with the home that we once both lived in but without a car or local work I did have to move. The home was so run down that I couldn't sell it so I've had to start over and that wasn't easy.
I hope in time my son will read this and know that his father never gave up because I work and do what I can so that he has a home to come to. I wonder if my ex will have pride in her comments that she has left? I also wonder if the dumb bitch will bother to add comments. It's no wonder the book my son brought out to the house that he had to read for a test on monday was never read before. I'm guessing the words were to big for my ex. Perhaps my ex can ask my 7 year old son to also help her with what spelling to chouse when it comes to "to, too and two".

Happy birthday son

This message is for my son on his birthday. I miss ya buddy more than you know. I wish I could share this day with you and make your birthday a great one. I hope your birthday is awesome and you get lots of great gifts and that you know your father loves you.

another cold walk

Well it was another cold walk and it seems time does fly even when your not having fun. It occurred to me that it's been nearly 3weeks of being on my own. With nearly 7miles a day walk for 5 days out of the week makes for a lot of walking. For those of you who think that's not much I bet your thinking of a tread mill in a nice warm place. I'm here to tell you that it's way different when you are treking through the snow, climbing over the mounds left by the snow plows and trying to cross ice and dealing with the freezing temp. Well for them that care I'm doing ok. I still don't have a car but am more likely to be saving for a new pair of boots before anything else considering. Besides I couldn't afford insurance and gas if I did have a car so what would be the point?

41 today

Ya its my birthday to day. It would have also have been my weekend to have my son. My ex isn't making it any easier. My son asked if I'd pick him up and I had to explain that I was without a car and had no way to get down there. My ex had to throw her two cents in and I've been trying to figure this out. She said "oh you got a new watch and a new phone, but you can't get your self a car. Sucks to be you."
So I wonder was she implying that my girlfriend should have bought me a car for christmas instead of the watch? Just because my ex has a mom to buy her shit like a home and car doesn't mean that everyone can just drop that kind of cash. So stupid I swear! My phone may be nice but it was a perk from my work for selling them. Was I supposed to not take it? Say oh that's nice but can I have a car instead? What kind of idiot thinks that someone can just pick up the pieces when there paycheck is gouged like mine is. Even if I had a car right now I couldn't afford the gas to get to work let alown drive to pick up my son. I wish the dumb bitch would learn to keep her trap shut. She bitches that I leave messages on her phone for my son. Well there is no home phone and I'm not going to leave those messages on his sisters phone. So until there is a way to leave my son a message on a phone other than hers I guess she's gonna have to deal with it.

Well like I said it's my birthday and I'm going to go make the most of it.

being strong for now

My love has had to go and take care of her daughter and we don't know for how long. I just kissed her good-bye and we said it was only untill she can get things setteled but it may very well for some time. I'm trying to be strong but its not easy. I miss her and it's only been 15min since I last held he close. I know that my love for her will help keep me working for a better future. So as I sit here at work I will do what I can.

Hypocrite

Let's see....
I'm told to be more of a part of my son's life but he can't bring a change of clothes on my weekends and I haven't the money to buy any.
I should call but don't leave messages.
He is sent to church each sunday but in the 6 years the I was with his mom she only went on Easter and Christmas.
I sure didn't hope for this when I was bringing a child in to this world. Well in time I can only hope my son will see that he is loved and I hope he will understand who the real problem was

Assuming and entitlement

It seems sad what is being taught to the kids these days. How we can assume that lives are better or how people can do more than they do based on unfounded assumptions. I witnessed this just yesterday as I was told that since I work and have a girlfriend that works that I should be able to do more for my son. That somehow I didn't give my son a Christmas that he deserved. I did have a gift for him. It wasn't something expensive but it was all we could afford and I had to wait till my weekend to give him his gift. So we celebrated late. I honestly don't see how that is wrecking his holiday. It seems to me that kids are taught entitlement rather than to be grateful for what they have or what other do for them. Not everyone has gifts or caring parents. I do what I can for my son and will continue to do so with unconditional love. I might not be able to afford to see him on each of our weekends or give him all that he wishes for. I do know that I would teach respect, forgiveness and understanding and not to assume and entitlement.

BTW learn to spell, you don't just get to make up your own abbreviations!

a story thats been told time and time again

Well here we are in january again and after recently visiting the park at kent lake I was reminded of a story that I've been asked to tell time and time again. Some years ago I went to the park with my buddies the twins on a rather warm January day to ummmm smoke and play some frizbee. We walked across the ice to a small island and smoked where we were sure that we were safe from anyone giving us any trouble, but this was no place to play frizbee. So we braved the ice again to find a place to play. Once on land we climbed a hill and found a circle drive that was flat and perfect. Tim and myself were trying to out do one another (like catching the frizbee between our legs and behind our back) while Keith was a bit more reserved. This was perhaps with good reason but with us giving him a hard time Keith began to get involved with our quest to out do one another. It wasn't long before I threw a fast and low one to Keith. Keith took a pose that's a bit hard to describe but I'll do my best. He had his legs spread and a hand behind his back to catch it from between his legs. If you can't picture this try it and notice what favorite body part instantly become venerable. It would have been an easy catch if it weren't for the slight gust of wind that caused the disk to jump up about 6inches just before it got to him. Yup it hit him in the place we all protect the most. You know the kinda hit you see so often on Americas funniest videos. In an instant Keith fell to him knees and fell over in the street. The first vehicle that happened our way happened to be just after this and Tim and I were telling Keith to get out of the way he was about to be run over. I recall Keith saying "Let it!" As he rolled around clutching his groin with both hands. The van sat and waited till Keith could pull himself together and get out of the way. You might think this would be the end of us playing but we didn't (this story wouldn't be worth telling if that were all that happened. Would it?) We had decided to start heading back to the car and that we would toss the frizbee to each other as we went that way. It sounded like a good idea at the time and Tim was to throw it as Keith and I ran ahead. Recall I said we had climbed a hill to get to this great spot? Well we were running down this hill as Tim threw the frizbee as hard as he could. You have to imaging that running down this hill is something of a controlled chaos as we were taking huge strides and going oh so fast. The disk was also going quite fast as it flew over our heads and as it began to slow. We both were amazed as it slowly dropped and was like matching our speed. It was amazing to see it just drop down to greet keith's finger tips of his out reached hands as if in slow motion. It was that moment just before the frizbee touched his fingers (mind you that was all we both were paying attention to) that Keith ran strait into a park barbecue. The kind of barbecue that is cemented in to the ground and built solid. Keith looked like a rag doll that had been thrown. Keith's right thigh had struck first and the his left shoulder as he went into a roll that sent him tumbling down the hill summer saluting. When came to a stop some 20 feet from the barbecue he was clutching his leg yelling "I'm ok, I'm ok" but it was clear he was in a great amount of pain. I was instantly concerned that he may have broken bones and we were still quite a was from the car and it was a walk across the frozen lake and it would take some time to get the car and drive around if it were needed. It turned out the Keith had not broken anything but was none the less quite hurt. Keith credits not even a moment of knowing that there was an obstacle meant he had never tensed up and that "it just happened" is why he managed to have not hurt himself more. Keith no longer plays frizbee as you can imagine and warns others that's it can be a dangerous game but is a great disk golf player (safer to not catch a disk I guess was the lesson here)
Well that's the story from so long ago, though I can picture it like it had just happened.

What is an idiot?

I got a great example of an idiot. My ex has proven once again that she has no clue. I haven't called my son past 7pm in ages since I simply do not want to talk to my ex and so often he has been asleep early. Well she has decided that I have called from a phone other than my own and left my son a message (WRONG!) and then someone is calling her from this number and Harrissing her. Only an idiot would not be able to check the call log of the phone and have seen that my call comes from my phone and that if another call comes in that the message from earlier wasn't from some strange number. She made this big deal about this Harrissing call and when I ask to get the number to see for my self if she was getting calls from someone I know, she said "your not worth it"
I guess she once again wants to be able to stick to the truths she creates and not find out that she was wrong just like she fabricated that I had a girlfriend before she announced that she filed for a divorce.

walking the dog

While I was walking our pomeranian I was lost in thought. My girlfriend was in her job interview for a promotion and I was reflecting on how great life has been since we started dating almost 7 months ago. I have been so loved and am very much in love. I would never guessed that I would feel this way after the hurt I've had in my life but it has happened and now everyday seems blessed. I still need to get on a more stable finatial ground since so much of my pay goes to child support but I'm hopeful that all that will improve in time. I just hope to live out the rest of my life with this feeling of joy and happiness