41 today

Ya its my birthday to day. It would have also have been my weekend to have my son. My ex isn't making it any easier. My son asked if I'd pick him up and I had to explain that I was without a car and had no way to get down there. My ex had to throw her two cents in and I've been trying to figure this out. She said "oh you got a new watch and a new phone, but you can't get your self a car. Sucks to be you."
So I wonder was she implying that my girlfriend should have bought me a car for christmas instead of the watch? Just because my ex has a mom to buy her shit like a home and car doesn't mean that everyone can just drop that kind of cash. So stupid I swear! My phone may be nice but it was a perk from my work for selling them. Was I supposed to not take it? Say oh that's nice but can I have a car instead? What kind of idiot thinks that someone can just pick up the pieces when there paycheck is gouged like mine is. Even if I had a car right now I couldn't afford the gas to get to work let alown drive to pick up my son. I wish the dumb bitch would learn to keep her trap shut. She bitches that I leave messages on her phone for my son. Well there is no home phone and I'm not going to leave those messages on his sisters phone. So until there is a way to leave my son a message on a phone other than hers I guess she's gonna have to deal with it.

Well like I said it's my birthday and I'm going to go make the most of it.

being strong for now

My love has had to go and take care of her daughter and we don't know for how long. I just kissed her good-bye and we said it was only untill she can get things setteled but it may very well for some time. I'm trying to be strong but its not easy. I miss her and it's only been 15min since I last held he close. I know that my love for her will help keep me working for a better future. So as I sit here at work I will do what I can.

Hypocrite

Let's see....
I'm told to be more of a part of my son's life but he can't bring a change of clothes on my weekends and I haven't the money to buy any.
I should call but don't leave messages.
He is sent to church each sunday but in the 6 years the I was with his mom she only went on Easter and Christmas.
I sure didn't hope for this when I was bringing a child in to this world. Well in time I can only hope my son will see that he is loved and I hope he will understand who the real problem was

Assuming and entitlement

It seems sad what is being taught to the kids these days. How we can assume that lives are better or how people can do more than they do based on unfounded assumptions. I witnessed this just yesterday as I was told that since I work and have a girlfriend that works that I should be able to do more for my son. That somehow I didn't give my son a Christmas that he deserved. I did have a gift for him. It wasn't something expensive but it was all we could afford and I had to wait till my weekend to give him his gift. So we celebrated late. I honestly don't see how that is wrecking his holiday. It seems to me that kids are taught entitlement rather than to be grateful for what they have or what other do for them. Not everyone has gifts or caring parents. I do what I can for my son and will continue to do so with unconditional love. I might not be able to afford to see him on each of our weekends or give him all that he wishes for. I do know that I would teach respect, forgiveness and understanding and not to assume and entitlement.

BTW learn to spell, you don't just get to make up your own abbreviations!

a story thats been told time and time again

Well here we are in january again and after recently visiting the park at kent lake I was reminded of a story that I've been asked to tell time and time again. Some years ago I went to the park with my buddies the twins on a rather warm January day to ummmm smoke and play some frizbee. We walked across the ice to a small island and smoked where we were sure that we were safe from anyone giving us any trouble, but this was no place to play frizbee. So we braved the ice again to find a place to play. Once on land we climbed a hill and found a circle drive that was flat and perfect. Tim and myself were trying to out do one another (like catching the frizbee between our legs and behind our back) while Keith was a bit more reserved. This was perhaps with good reason but with us giving him a hard time Keith began to get involved with our quest to out do one another. It wasn't long before I threw a fast and low one to Keith. Keith took a pose that's a bit hard to describe but I'll do my best. He had his legs spread and a hand behind his back to catch it from between his legs. If you can't picture this try it and notice what favorite body part instantly become venerable. It would have been an easy catch if it weren't for the slight gust of wind that caused the disk to jump up about 6inches just before it got to him. Yup it hit him in the place we all protect the most. You know the kinda hit you see so often on Americas funniest videos. In an instant Keith fell to him knees and fell over in the street. The first vehicle that happened our way happened to be just after this and Tim and I were telling Keith to get out of the way he was about to be run over. I recall Keith saying "Let it!" As he rolled around clutching his groin with both hands. The van sat and waited till Keith could pull himself together and get out of the way. You might think this would be the end of us playing but we didn't (this story wouldn't be worth telling if that were all that happened. Would it?) We had decided to start heading back to the car and that we would toss the frizbee to each other as we went that way. It sounded like a good idea at the time and Tim was to throw it as Keith and I ran ahead. Recall I said we had climbed a hill to get to this great spot? Well we were running down this hill as Tim threw the frizbee as hard as he could. You have to imaging that running down this hill is something of a controlled chaos as we were taking huge strides and going oh so fast. The disk was also going quite fast as it flew over our heads and as it began to slow. We both were amazed as it slowly dropped and was like matching our speed. It was amazing to see it just drop down to greet keith's finger tips of his out reached hands as if in slow motion. It was that moment just before the frizbee touched his fingers (mind you that was all we both were paying attention to) that Keith ran strait into a park barbecue. The kind of barbecue that is cemented in to the ground and built solid. Keith looked like a rag doll that had been thrown. Keith's right thigh had struck first and the his left shoulder as he went into a roll that sent him tumbling down the hill summer saluting. When came to a stop some 20 feet from the barbecue he was clutching his leg yelling "I'm ok, I'm ok" but it was clear he was in a great amount of pain. I was instantly concerned that he may have broken bones and we were still quite a was from the car and it was a walk across the frozen lake and it would take some time to get the car and drive around if it were needed. It turned out the Keith had not broken anything but was none the less quite hurt. Keith credits not even a moment of knowing that there was an obstacle meant he had never tensed up and that "it just happened" is why he managed to have not hurt himself more. Keith no longer plays frizbee as you can imagine and warns others that's it can be a dangerous game but is a great disk golf player (safer to not catch a disk I guess was the lesson here)
Well that's the story from so long ago, though I can picture it like it had just happened.

What is an idiot?

I got a great example of an idiot. My ex has proven once again that she has no clue. I haven't called my son past 7pm in ages since I simply do not want to talk to my ex and so often he has been asleep early. Well she has decided that I have called from a phone other than my own and left my son a message (WRONG!) and then someone is calling her from this number and Harrissing her. Only an idiot would not be able to check the call log of the phone and have seen that my call comes from my phone and that if another call comes in that the message from earlier wasn't from some strange number. She made this big deal about this Harrissing call and when I ask to get the number to see for my self if she was getting calls from someone I know, she said "your not worth it"
I guess she once again wants to be able to stick to the truths she creates and not find out that she was wrong just like she fabricated that I had a girlfriend before she announced that she filed for a divorce.

walking the dog

While I was walking our pomeranian I was lost in thought. My girlfriend was in her job interview for a promotion and I was reflecting on how great life has been since we started dating almost 7 months ago. I have been so loved and am very much in love. I would never guessed that I would feel this way after the hurt I've had in my life but it has happened and now everyday seems blessed. I still need to get on a more stable finatial ground since so much of my pay goes to child support but I'm hopeful that all that will improve in time. I just hope to live out the rest of my life with this feeling of joy and happiness