Much love for family!

Before I go about bashing my brother who I'm guessing had help with his post because unlike seeking to him in person that was post was practically coherent.
For my wife I confronted my natural mother over not wishing to include my two oldest step children over for Christmas. That wasn't my idea, but I burned bridges for her. I never cheated on my wife, yes I can close but didn't do anything though during her pregnancy she made my life hell. I also never said her pregnancy made me sick. I didn't know how to deal with it and yes I didn't want her belly on me (perhaps to much SF in the past) what ever!! I payed for those mistakes for my entire marriage! she didn't have to marry me and she married me 8 months after my son was born. So if what happened during her pregnancy was so damn bad they why would she have said yes? Further more the 5 years of marriage there should have been time for her to work that shit out. it wasn't until after her announcement if the divorce that she even wanted to discuss why she treated me like shit. I worked hard to see that my family's needs were taken care of. I may have changed jobs but I provided for my family and my wife.
My brother seems to have been taken in by the story's my ex weaves. Truth be told we both began relationships after the divorce was started. So where is the problem there? My brother seems to failed to notice that. In fact I had to lesion to a dumb ass lecture from him saying how he couldn't understand me. Well that wasn't much of a surprise. the rift that he spoke of was that his wife said and age didn't matter in a relationship and that was my EX's only real complaint over who I was choosing to speak with. My poor brother was left on the fence and couldn't agree with both. He even told me that he would have to side with my wife because he felt a better change of seeing my son if he threw me under the bus. So much love in my family. Well that's fine, I know I gave my best to have a good marriage and will again. I might not have much currently, like a working car or the money to eat a decent meal. but I'm doing everything possible to get myself back on the right track. I'm working to get my ex payed off but without a vehicle getting to a job is not been possible and efforts to get my car running has only left me broke and still with out a car. I didn't get to have my son weekend because I couldn't say by Wednesday that I wouldn't be working and couldn't pick him up. I miss my son but dealing with my ex isn't easy. She said it wasn't fair that I take women out and don't have the money to pay a bill I owe her. I'm not sure what one had with the other considering I was picked up and had a pleasant time without spending a dollar. I tried to ask where there was a connection but my ex really didn't have an answer. I have had to relay on the generosity of friends to help me with the most simple of tasks, like getting food for my home and for this my ex thinks I should call on these people to help me get my son or watch him while i work (it didn't happen because I couldn't get my car running) But I haven't gone really out and request the help. Perhaps it's pride but I'm not comfortable asking people for their help. So I have a lot of work ahead of me, I knew I would, but I have gotten my self up out before and like that I will do it again.

1st Amendment (ever hear of it)

So here we go again.....
My ex has called to tell me that my posts need to be taken down before she goes to her lawyer. Perhaps she hasn't watched the news where a student posted about her teacher and what she thought of him. In that case it went to court and it was upheld that it was within her 1st amendment rights as freedom of speech. So until America drops it fundamental rights, this is my blog and I will post as I chose. If she needs the world to know her story she can get her own blog. Then she can tell the world the things she tell me. like how I'm wrong by buying toilet paper in the 12 pack when I'm broke (like a guy without a car should get smaller amounts and risk running out) or the many other pearls of wisdom she desires to share.
along the lines of freedom of speech... people who chose to fuel the feud between me and my ex totally have the right to talk. I know I haven't the right to stop them. But I can ask that they consider what they are doing. It doesn't help anyone.
I'm trying to get working again so I can improve my life, fix my car, and give the ex some money to help her with my son. My ex seems to think that I should already be taking days off to keep my son. I tried to explain that it's Tuesday and I don't know if I'm working this Friday yet and that I'd let her know as soon as I could but that just got me screamed at (again). You would think that I'd be used to this but it really isn't something you get used to at all. But like always she wants it all and wants it now and no matter what I do I'm going to have her complaining.
This is what I live with. I wonder how it lasted as long as it did.
I was asked about how much my attitude has changed in such a short time. Why only last Christmas I seemed happy with my wife and the life I had. Well I lived on optimism, that things would improve if I just gave it time. When my ex chose to tell me that she had filed for a divorce that illusion dissolved and didn't take me long to realise that I hadn't been happy in some time and I was going to be better without the BS. I was of course correct. Now I can reflect and say that things can only get better.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Sunday, February 25, 2007
To meny posts.
For anyone that knows me should know that I am going to be going through a divorce. because of that I have been going and venting by posting to my various blogs. Once the divorce is over I plan on making links to all my posts available. One day it might even be easy to see what I've been going through. I'm not really my self these days and I know it. I'm torn up inside. I've known for years the the relationship with my wife wasn't the best but kept thinking one day it would improve. The fact is I pushed my wife away when she was pregnant with my son. I didn't know that woman go through emotional changes during that part of their life. I seeked comfort from another woman and it was that woman that helped me to see that I was wrong. Though the relationship ended there the hurt never went away for my wife and deep down she used the anger to keep our relationship from getting back on track. I was neglected, kept from the love I needed and in the end I know that things could never be set strait. I'm going to go on with my life and love again. I have learned a lot in the last few years. I know that the thing that was killing me most was the lack of affection. I could have lived without sex, but I need the touch of a woman to make me feel whole. A kiss can mean so much and for years I lived with only receiving a few and most were nothing more than a peck good-by when one of us were on the way out the door. I'm going to miss her but know I'll be better off in time. I hope this answers questions that some of my family had regarding why things never seemed to go well for me n my wife. I know I did try and will go on trying to be a good person for my son. Thanks for letting me vent.

I removed this post before because of a request by my EX. I still saw no reason why my side of the story being posted was a bad thing since she had gone and told anyone who would liston including my family. Well I tried to show respect... but when I'm now going on what will be my second weekend in a row without my son, I'm not feeling the need to respect her wishes. Oh she has said I can have my son provided I pick him up, knowing fully well my car's not running.

I guess you can expect more posts here now that I feel free to do as I like again.

hey! wanna talk?

it has just come to my attention that many that didn't talk to me in the past was due to the fact I was married. Well I'm getting divorced now so get a hold of me. Email me at Kevin(at)akaawol.com replace the (at) with a @ of course and I'll get back! =)